blog, twitter, then tumblr

"Hello, stranger."

Wed, 26 May 2010 22:30:16 -0400

“Hello, stranger.”

- A birthday, a new job, and a crazy weekend. This just about brings you up to speed!

"Throughout Hot Guys Reading Books, the creator begs for submissions and gripes that she has resorted..."

Wed, 12 May 2010 15:06:31 -0400

“Throughout Hot Guys Reading Books, the creator begs for submissions and gripes that she has resorted to taking her own photos. That may be because people find it creepy, or it may be for the same reason that anyone might find the site titillating: a guy reading is seen as being like a unicorn.”

- [via Jezebel]

“What girl wouldn’t immediately disrobe when served...

Mon, 10 May 2010 15:21:17 -0400

“What girl wouldn’t immediately disrobe when served Oral Tator-Splosions or Get Stuffed and Bust-a-Nut Squash? Who among us hasn’t been halfway out the door when a guy murmured, “Wait, I’ve got Diddle That Cous Cous on the stove top”?

The book’s website is particularly obsessed with the advantages of having your date “already in your lair.” (Free tip to dudes who might be reading this: Referring to your home as a “lair” sounds some major alarm bells.) But don’t worry! Walker is totally not suggesting you serve your So Ready to Meat My Balls with a side of roofie cocktails” [source]

slightly more amusing than Microwave for One which is only one step away from my blog.

I found my old laptop from college! And it is so. slow. And it...

Sun, 09 May 2010 20:12:08 -0400

I found my old laptop from college! And it is so. slow. And it thinks today is June 8, 2008. And has a version of Mozilla where the icon was a DINOSAUR!!!!

“Good things come to those who wait…”

Wed, 05 May 2010 13:36:23 -0400

…said the crazy Russian I met at the Town Tavern in the West Village. He said we couldn’t possibly be more perfect for each other – he, a carpenter, and I, an architect – and he is so glad he’s finally found me. He proceeded to promise to build me a castle. And called me 4 times the following weekend, leaving 3 messages. I never went out with him. (Incidentally, I also haven’t gone back to the Town Tavern, and miss their fried mac n cheese dearly.)

Find out what I was waiting for here.

almost exactly 1 year ago! I finally bought the dress at an...

Tue, 04 May 2010 22:49:45 -0400

almost exactly 1 year ago!

I finally bought the dress at an incredible steal. Now I just need a place to wear it to.

BO

Mon, 03 May 2010 15:01:00 -0400

Jackie: ugh, and he's using all these big words now that i dont understand the meaning of. like "a priori"
me: ugh i hate that! but good thing there is google!
Jackie: ok i caved in. i asked him what he meant. he said "i dont know what you're looking for a priori". HAHA i dont understand. have you ever used the term "that's my MO?" modus operans.... or something
me: not in a normal conversation with another normal human being, NO! unless i talk like a freakin robot every day, why the hell would i use MODUS OPERANS or A PRIORI??
Jackie: HAHHA well i've never heard that term used before but EVERYONE says it here. they go "well, that's his MO". that's their way of saying "that's how he rolls"
Jackie: so one day i was trying to be slick and i said "yeah, that's my BO"
Jackie: embarrassinggg......
me: wait... you ddidnt do that ON PURPOSE??
Jackie: NO I DIDNT! I FORGOT THE TERM WAS "M.O." not "B.O."

the dragon, pt 2

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 01:15:31 -0400

me: HAHAHAHAH can you just IMAGINE A.C. the dragon jumping out at you?!
me: or wait... maybe it would be J.H.
me: J.H. the DRAGON and then A.C. in his carboard costume
Jackie: AAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh god
Jackie: ok i would cry
me: ahhahahahahah and the poor guys would get rejected anyway
Jackie: ok fine maybe i got lucky

the dragon, pt 1

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 01:15:00 -0400

Jackie: omg u have to see this ridiculousness. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/crazy_stuy_high_dance_invites_tradition_YKNlKFTgVecMroDVXASjHJ
Jackie: wtf wendy. why is my life not romantic? even the geeks have it better
me: but the kind of guy who would do that for you... would prob be A.C.
me: would you really want to date A.C.?
Jackie: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS A THING now?
Jackie: that they try to TOP PROM PROPOSALS every year?someone flew a KITE over the hudson river proposing
me: its basically half a step away from asking someone to marry you. its pathetic!! why are they trying to grow up so quickly?!!
Jackie: I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

For people who need really strong expletive-filled inspiration...

Thu, 29 Apr 2010 16:10:00 -0400

For people who need really strong expletive-filled inspiration to get them cooking, check out What the Fuck Should I Make for Dinner.

Or you can check out my other blog. I’m not as entertaining, but I’m way nicer.

She makes my heart melt. In other news: arrrrrgg! Cramps!

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 21:56:21 -0400

She makes my heart melt.

In other news: arrrrrgg! Cramps!

am craving the salty pimp from the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck, but...

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 15:54:00 -0400

am craving the salty pimp from the Big Gay Ice Cream Truck, but if I get it, I wont have money for breakfast tmrw!

"[Glamour]…[warns] against inappropriate breathing. Yes, breathing incorrectly can result in..."

Wed, 28 Apr 2010 15:46:25 -0400

“[Glamour]…[warns] against inappropriate breathing. Yes, breathing incorrectly can result in your abdomen “filling up like a balloon” (we thought that was the point), creating a “distended” look. Glamour offers some supposedly slimming breathing tips, but really, why bother with respiration at all? Dispensing with this unnecessary practice will make TV blowjobs easier too!”

- “All of these Glamour articles are being compiled for their forthcoming bestseller, How To Turn Yourself Into a Real Doll: and finally land your man” [quote and comment via Jezebel]

Dinner tonight took about an hour to prepare… Can’t...

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 21:24:33 -0400

Dinner tonight took about an hour to prepare…

Can’t decide if that is long, or a ridiculously short amount of time.

Whole wheat spaghetti with meatballs and roasted vegetables with quinoa salad. Who knew quinoa was so freakin teeeny tiny.

YO! Ch-ch-ch-check it out! First building I ever designed…...

Tue, 27 Apr 2010 16:04:04 -0400

YO! Ch-ch-ch-check it out!

First building I ever designed… is up on Corcoran! Anyone want to make an offer?

The amazing wall of cupcakes at More Cupcakes. (blog)

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 22:07:33 -0400

The amazing wall of cupcakes at More Cupcakes. (blog)

hug, pt 2

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 13:37:00 -0400

Patrick: man, we should take this im off record, just in case it gets back to us. google is probably reading our plot
me: darn! that means i cant post it on my blog
Patrick: and is gonna get the cops on us when we mug "our friend"
me: no no. when we "mug" our friend
me: theres a difference. we are less evil with the quotes around mug
Patrick: jk jk just playing, google
Patrick: not mug, i meant hug
me: yea, we'll hug him every month
me: on payday
Patrick: we'll get him drunk and HUG him
Patrick: HUG his ass. maybe that can be our new job - hugging
me: we'll have to practice

hug, pt 1

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 13:36:00 -0400

Patrick: yo did u kno [redacted] makes close to [a buttload of money]
Patrick: its crazy, imagine making that type of money
me: ughhh what am i doing with my life
Patrick: crazy right? hes baller yo
me: man! we can do what he does! what does he do??
Patrick: hahaha drinks lots of beer?
Patrick: we can do that
me: totally!
Patrick: we should mug him. mug him once every few months
Patrick: we gotta find out when he gets paid then mug his ass
me: he probably wont even know its us. he's oblivious
Patrick: yeah we'll get him drunk, then mug his ass

From a foggy Saturday in Chicago

Sun, 25 Apr 2010 23:38:07 -0400

From a foggy Saturday in Chicago

Black coffee, biscotti, and grapes.

Fri, 23 Apr 2010 18:54:11 -0400

Black coffee, biscotti, and grapes.