old age
Steven: I think I took off 5 years of my lifeme: oh dear. hopefully its the 5 between 80 and 90. you'll be stuck in bed wearing diapers anyway
me: who cares if its 5 years less of that shit
Steven: Hahahaha nice. You know how to cheer a guy up the right way
me: :)
me: the minute i lose control of my, uh, bathroom muscles, im going to shoot myself. if i cant do it, you're doing it for me
Steven: no deal
Steven: I'm planning on offing myself way earlier than that
me: terrible friend.
Steven: So I wouldn't be there anyway
Steven: I'm thinking 70 is a good age
Dec 15th
move along, nothing to see here.
Patrick: wendy i think u should post todays gchat. u said some really sweet things in herePatrick: doesnt happen often on ur blog
me: i am a sweet person. whats that supposed to mean?!
me: i sound like a meanie 90% of the time?
Patrick: u a cold hearted old cat lady
Patrick: im kiddin im kiddin. most of the posts are funny and about how cool we are. this post will give u even MORE depth, "oh wow, she can be super duper sweet too"
Patrick: ur readers will fall in love
me: my readers dont need to see my mushy side. pleeease! thats only reserved for the truly deserving. maybe one day when i am trying to run for president or trying to raise money for the next pair of shoes i buy i will post it. try to generate some sympathy donation
Patrick: nice. that can be the title
Patrick: generate some sympathy donation
Dec 14th
Homemade chocolate chip cookies, fresh out of the oven....
Dec 13th
“…and of course, while NOT looking for a dress for the...”
— mulling it over.
— mulling it over.
Dec 12th
That’s what Christmas means to me, my love —
A...
Dec 12th
“You have to be who you are, unless who you are is awful.”
— Simon Doonan A rule to live...
— Simon Doonan A rule to live...
Dec 11th
Yes, we know that her “invisible shoe” is...
Dec 11th
secret santa spoiler!
Patrick: WENDY!!Patrick: whod u get???
me: YOUR MOM
Patrick: wow
Patrick: i didnt see her on the list
Patrick: u lucky
me: she was on *my* list
me: ;)
Patrick: whatever that means
Patrick: dont wink me
Dec 9th
ultimate
Patrick: [who are they?] sounds couplieme: theyre married
Patrick: then HELLLLZ NO
me: hahahah go and be the ULTIMATE couple
me: "honey, dont we have to go pick your grandparents up at the airport after dinner?"
me: "and then we are playing bingo with them at the community center right?"
me: "oh yes, Sandra is a bingo SHARK. can you believe it? she got all the numbers in row L 5 times last friday"
me: "im convinced Gertrude has been cheating. that minx!"
me: "sweetie.. where is the jar where you keep my testicles? i have game night with the guys on sunday"
Dec 9th
mom jokes, pt 1
me: [redacted] is looking to buy an engagement ringme: "do u know where i would go look for one of those?"
me: at your moms house.
me: what the eff kind of question is that???
Patrick: hahahha
Patrick: mom jokes
Patrick: love it
Patrick: haha
Patrick: so would u want a teno ring? or has that changed?
me: are you planning on getting me one?
Patrick: no
me: psh who cares then
Dec 9th
mom jokes, pt 2
Patrick: mwahaha, no, i just remember u tellin me that u liked teno ringsme: yea they are nice, but then i will always be "the girl who has [redacted]'s wife's ring". there has to be something better out there. something more ME.
Patrick: i would always go classic. classics are classics.
Patrick: girls wanna bling
me: http://whiteflashdiamonds.files.wordpress.com/2009/04/img_2391.jpg
me: like that?
Patrick: id get her another ring in addition to it thats more personal
me: awwwww more more more. more rings yay
Patrick: so is that what u told [redacted]?
me: that he should get her multiple rings?
Patrick: no no
me: i told him to go screw himself, i aint helpin
Dec 9th
mom jokes, pt 3
Patrick: hahhahha go ask ur momme: i mean, it was kind of a dumb question to ask, dont you think?
me: im not her best or even close friend
Patrick: but ur stylish
me: how the hell would i even know what she likes? my style aint her style.
me: [redacted link]. i like that one [but i would] never suggest he get that for her
Patrick: that doesnt look very comfortable
me: marriages arent comfortable
Dec 9th
“This is the single most irritating question on the face of...”
— “Are you seeing...
— “Are you seeing...
Dec 8th
next person who asks me this gets...
[Redacted]: so i'm looking to buy an engagement ringme: ahh nice
[Redacted]: do u know where i would go look for one of those?
me: errr thats not a serious question
me: that is the stupidest question to ask someone if you are looking for an engagement ring, im sorry, and im not saying that to be mean
me: if there is ANYONE in the world who knows her, it is YOU. you should know where to find an engagement ring for her
me: besides the obvious answer: at a ring store
[Redacted]: ohhh yea that's right i should go find one of those
me: good luck. i hear they only make ring stores out west
Dec 8th
Watch
The Cranky Elf in the Office
Simon Doonan is too funny.
Dec 8th
fb hell, pt 1
Patrick: so whos this guy? FB LINK!!Phe: hold please i will find him
Phe: [link redacted]
me: thats a nice 3/4 of a face! cute!
Phe: i know!! so cute. im still blocking him if he doesnt respond
me: by monday
Phe: by monday
Patrick: by monday.... so dramatic. "blocking him!!!!!" sending him to hell!!!
me: to facebook hell!!!
Patrick: monday OR hell!!
me: whatevs man! no one subjects phe to facebook purgatory!!
me: off with his 3/4 of a head!
Dec 7th
fb hell, pt 2
Phe: that's right!Patrick: yeah i dont kno him, so off w/ his head!!
Phe: hehehe martha and harry, you two are the bestest
Patrick: um.... i dont kno if u can call us that
Phe: hahahha aiyo!
me: HAHAHA why not!?!!!
Patrick: i dont kno, its our secret names... UNLESS she has one too
Patrick: and dont even think about giving her a name. THATS MY JOB
me: cult initiation time....
Patrick: i have the best names
me: work your magic, patrick. i have veto power if its not awesome enough right?
Patrick: BARBARA!
Dec 7th
fb hell, pt 3
me: I LOVE IT!!!! BARBARA!!!!!Patrick: i kno.... sexy huh?
Phe: OMG noooo
Patrick: phe, from this day forward, you shall rise in our group chats as (places hand from one of phes shoulder to the other)
Phe: hells NO!
Patrick: BARBARA!! done. come on. u think wendy had a choice? u think oprah HAD a choice? there is no logical reasoning for such great names. just accept it, be proud BARBARA. side note: thats kind of hard to type
me: BBRA for short?
Phe: BRA???? u guys cannot call me a female undergarment!
Patrick: thats why its bbra
Phe: hahahahahhahah terrible
Dec 7th
Oh how much I’d like to be my cat right now.
That is life.
Dec 5th
Hot chili on a cold rainy day.
Dec 5th
badass cookie, pt 1
Patrick: im gonna save the rest of the cookie for ume: YAAAAAAYYYY thanks pat
Patrick: mainly cuz i'm gonna puke if i eat anymore of it
me: HAHAH gosh thanks. whatevaaa! i'll take it even if its got some clumps of puke on it
Patrick: HAHA I KNO
Patrick: ill put it in the microwave for 20 seconds before i see u so its a lil warm
me: AWWW PAAAATTTT you're such a sweetheart
Patrick: stop it i am not sweet. i told u already. im a badboy. girls like badboys
me: so what? youre gonna stomp on the cookie before you see me?
Patrick: fart on it
me: IM SO BADASS!! I STOMP ON COOKIES!! *STOMP STOMP* STOMPIN WIF MAH BIG BLACK BOOTS. STEEL TOE, BABY
Dec 4th
badass cookie, pt 2
Patrick: no, ill be like, Here! throw u the cookieme: hahahahah thats so badass
Patrick: and u'll be like "wahts this??" "its a cookie" as i pull out a cigarette and light it as i look out into the dark night into the distance
Patrick: and puff out smoke from the corner of my mouth. w/ cig still in mouth w/ my leather jacket, and my all black outfit i stand by the side of the building and put one leg up against the building, hand in pocket
Patrick: u open up the wrapping and look at the half eaten cookie w/ big eyes
me: ummmm
Patrick: OHHH CHOCOLATE WALNUT!!! MY FAV, THANKS PAT!!
Patrick: "yeah, whatever" another puff of smoke
Dec 4th
badass cookie, pt 3
me: whatevs man. i would never look at it with "big eyes"me: im badass too
Patrick: hahahah
me: i'd catch it midair, rip open the wrapper and squint
me: "its half eaten."
me: and you'll go "yeah whatever" and i'll be like, "yea... whatevs." and toss it in my mouth
Patrick: man we are so freaken cool hahahhahahha
me: HAHAHAHA
Patrick: "and toss it in my mouth"
Patrick: oh man im crackin up. that is so money
Dec 4th
geriatric, pt 1
me: like geriatric slowPatrick: i guess, whats the rush
me: it'll be like that book that they made into a movie with javier bardem
Phe: OMG yes...where he waits his entire life
me: LOVE IN THE TIME OF CHOLERA. and when they FINALLY do it theyre like, a million years old!!
Phe: and they really ARE geriatric. ewwww
Patrick: i didnt watch this movie
Phe: it's so romantic..the book.. he was in love w/this chick his entire life
Patrick: and?
Phe: they get it on when they're 90
Patrick: come on, thats extreme
Phe: but it's true
Dec 4th
geriatric, pt 2
me: the girl was in love with him at first but then figures it was probably just lust and infatuation, so then she rejects him, marries someone elseme: meanwhile, he vows to remain faithful to her... by screwing every other woman in sight
Phe: HAHA
Patrick: well hes gotta practice for the big day
me: it must only make sense to guys
Phe: men have such weird logic
Patrick: practice
Patrick: u dont want a guy that doesnt know what hes doin
me: eventually her husband dies
me: this guy TRACKS her down, still professes his love for her. they are like, a million years old now and they finally run away together
Dec 4th
geriatric, pt 3
Patrick: do they do it in the woods?me: HAHAH
me: on a boat. they basically exile themselves
Phe: i guess better late than never
Patrick: was it any good? was the practice worth it?
me: does it even work by then??
Dec 4th
because i like to celebrate thursdays….
chocolate...
Dec 4th
falafel, pt 1
Patrick: so what did u get to eat?me: falafel! and the guy is like, "you like falafel, eh?" no shit sherlock. im getting falafel because i HATE falafel and i felt like hating myself today!
Phe: that annoys me when pple ask stupid questions like that but then again... he's selling falafels after all
me: and i suppose he was just "being nice". bad wendy, picking on the nice guy
Phe: i kno! wendy!
me: hahaha sorry sorry. my falafel is really juicy and drippy today
me: hahaha its gross! in a good way...?
Phe: ewwwwwww i knew that was coming!
Dec 3rd
falafel, pt 2
me: im going to "twilight" itme: HAHAHA get it? get it?!!
Phe: eh? is this an over the line thing again?
Phe: ________
me: twilight? vampires?
me: HAHAHAH
me: im sucking the hot sauce out of it so it doesnt drip all over the place!
me: ... i shouldnt be allowed to socialize...
Phe: OMG
Phe: u dork!
Dec 3rd
clearrants:
thedailywhat:
Photo Set of the Day: Several...
Dec 3rd
---------------------
Patrick: oh martha, u crack me upme: i try, harry, i try
Phe: im going to say that you both had some weirdness in your coffees today and leave it at that
me: HAHAH did pat ever tell you about martha and harry?
Phe: your dual personalities? yes i believe so
me: i cant believe i have an alter ego named MARTHA. and his is HARRY. couldnt we just pick the two worst names ever?
Patrick: martha is sexy!! like my bike OPRAH
me: are you serious? your bike is named oprah? you've been riding... oprah? ...all night long?
Patrick: ----------------------------
Patrick: wendy on the other side
me: gross. i didnt like crossing that line
Dec 3rd
in response to the water carbonator, pt...
JM wrote: Sodastream-Fountain-Soda-Maker-Starter - cheaper. more supported, less fancy bottles. i...
Dec 3rd
in response to the water carbonator, pt...
Wendy wrote: and then you can make your own diamond out of a graphite, a microwave, and some coffee...
Dec 3rd
OOH LOOK! A LINE!
me: its like rubbing a deflated balloon against sandpaperPhe: OMG
me: HAHAHA
Phe: OMG
me: im sorry, too graphic?
Phe: i just have the worst image
Phe: im going to go throw up now
Patrick: hahahhahahah yes wendy always crosses the line
me: I DO NOT!!!
Phe: hahahahaha...i like it
Patrick: u like the cross lines. u see the line and u cross it. u just step right over
me: i hop over it. i kick my heels up and hop right over it
Dec 3rd
“The kitchen of my parents’ house is like Vegas,...”
— I’m quickly becoming a...
— I’m quickly becoming a...
Dec 2nd
meghanasha:
GEEKY GIFT IDEAS
Do you know someone addicted...
Dec 2nd