May 2010
7 posts
“Hello, stranger.”
– A birthday, a new job, and a crazy weekend. This just about brings you up to speed!
“Throughout Hot Guys Reading Books, the creator begs for submissions and gripes...”
– [via Jezebel]
“Good things come to those who wait…”
…said the crazy Russian I met at the Town Tavern in the West Village. He said we couldn’t possibly be more perfect for each other – he, a carpenter, and I, an architect – and he is so glad he’s finally found me. He proceeded to promise to build me a castle. And called me 4 times the following weekend, leaving 3 messages. I never went out with him. (Incidentally, I also haven’t gone back to...
BO
Jackie: ugh, and he's using all these big words now that i dont understand the meaning of. like "a priori"
me: ugh i hate that! but good thing there is google!
Jackie: ok i caved in. i asked him what he meant. he said "i dont know what you're looking for a priori". HAHA i dont understand. have you ever used the term "that's my MO?" modus operans.... or something
me: not in a normal conversation with another normal human being, NO! unless i talk like a freakin robot every day, why the hell would i use MODUS OPERANS or A PRIORI??
Jackie: HAHHA well i've never heard that term used before but EVERYONE says it here. they go "well, that's his MO". that's their way of saying "that's how he rolls"
Jackie: so one day i was trying to be slick and i said "yeah, that's my BO"
Jackie: embarrassinggg......
me: wait... you ddidnt do that ON PURPOSE??
Jackie: NO I DIDNT! I FORGOT THE TERM WAS "M.O." not "B.O."
April 2010
28 posts
the dragon, pt 2
me: HAHAHAHAH can you just IMAGINE A.C. the dragon jumping out at you?!
me: or wait... maybe it would be J.H.
me: J.H. the DRAGON and then A.C. in his carboard costume
Jackie: AAHAHAHAHAHAHA oh god
Jackie: ok i would cry
me: ahhahahahahah and the poor guys would get rejected anyway
Jackie: ok fine maybe i got lucky
the dragon, pt 1
Jackie: omg u have to see this ridiculousness. http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/manhattan/crazy_stuy_high_dance_invites_tradition_YKNlKFTgVecMroDVXASjHJ
Jackie: wtf wendy. why is my life not romantic? even the geeks have it better
me: but the kind of guy who would do that for you... would prob be A.C.
me: would you really want to date A.C.?
Jackie: CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS IS A THING now?
Jackie: that they try to TOP PROM PROPOSALS every year?someone flew a KITE over the hudson river proposing
me: its basically half a step away from asking someone to marry you. its pathetic!! why are they trying to grow up so quickly?!!
Jackie: I KNOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
“[Glamour]…[warns] against inappropriate breathing. Yes, breathing...”
– “All of these Glamour articles are being compiled for their forthcoming bestseller, How To Turn Yourself Into a Real Doll: and finally land your man” [quote and comment via Jezebel]
hug, pt 2
Patrick: man, we should take this im off record, just in case it gets back to us. google is probably reading our plot
me: darn! that means i cant post it on my blog
Patrick: and is gonna get the cops on us when we mug "our friend"
me: no no. when we "mug" our friend
me: theres a difference. we are less evil with the quotes around mug
Patrick: jk jk just playing, google
Patrick: not mug, i meant hug
me: yea, we'll hug him every month
me: on payday
Patrick: we'll get him drunk and HUG him
Patrick: HUG his ass. maybe that can be our new job - hugging
me: we'll have to practice
hug, pt 1
Patrick: yo did u kno [redacted] makes close to [a buttload of money]
Patrick: its crazy, imagine making that type of money
me: ughhh what am i doing with my life
Patrick: crazy right? hes baller yo
me: man! we can do what he does! what does he do??
Patrick: hahaha drinks lots of beer?
Patrick: we can do that
me: totally!
Patrick: we should mug him. mug him once every few months
Patrick: we gotta find out when he gets paid then mug his ass
me: he probably wont even know its us. he's oblivious
Patrick: yeah we'll get him drunk, then mug his ass
i love Frank Sinatra.
and now my little buttercup will have more music to listen to during long lonely nights at the hospital :)
but now onto new things!
such as… an attempt at starting a rather amateur food blog highlighting my culinary experiments - The Oven Is Not For Clothes.
failures, successes, and food that looks a bit like… well… you’ll see. it’ll all be there!
And so began my search, pt 4
So more than half a decade had passed before his name was mentioned again and my thoughts lingered on him for more than 5 minutes - he’s gotten engaged.
Permanence is hardly at the forefront of our minds when we are young.
It’s like the reason why before the Season Finale episode of almost any sitcom, there is a “Best Of’s” episode.. hence all the flashbacks, the music, thoughts, and...
“let’s not pretend like I haven’t contemplated swallowing a...”
– 2birds1blog
freakin google reader it if you haven’t already. they put the FUNNY in funny.
And so began my search, pt 3
So BACK onto that...
jesus toast
me: this is really super gross, but while we are on the topic of bodily functions (or while i'm on that topic...)
me: last night, my poo spelled out SIN. how creepy is that?
me: i shouldve taken a picture of it an auctioned it off on ebay. its as awesome as jesus toast right?
kelvin: WTF HOW DID IT SPELL OUT SIN?!
me: im back to being slightly constipated again, so the poo the came out was suuuuuper tiny
kelvin: OMG you would have like a 10 on ratemypoo.com
kelvin: DONT CLICK THAT LINK!
me: DAMMIT i want to get a 10
kelvin: im still trying to imagine how that works... i mean...im not saying i dont believe you...
me: its a miracle. like jesus toast
“People seem to believe that every tattoo holds some secret meaning, and perhaps...”
– the problem is that the questioner, who usually means well, seems to need for some greater significance behind my decision, and I suspect I’m actually being asked to justify the whole thing. Why? To clear up some misconception about the type of person who would willingly get some meaningless...
And so began my search, pt 2
Jackie: he was a passionate person
Jackie: you didnt mess it up
Jackie: would you have given ALL YOUR PAST EXPERIENCES up just to stick with [redacted] through all these years?
Jackie: think about all the amazing times and new experiences you've had with people
Jackie: all the things you've learned
Jackie: you would have missed out on ALL of that
And so began my search, pt 1
My imagination likes to take me up on the stage as the headliner of a cabaret. I’d be sitting on a stool, squinting from the lights and smoke, seeing the crowd as a sea of blurry faces.
Their glasses and silverware would be clinking as I tell them stories. I’d tell them about love - the romantic, the dramatic, the unbelievably hilarious. Similar to the stories I used to tell on this...
March 2010
46 posts
“oof! some more wine and let’s get to paying some bills.”
– numb the pain. numb the pain. numbthepain. numbthep*droool.
“I kind of wanted the same hair, with bangs. But now it’s mostly bangs....”
– get it? Helmut Lang? Helmet Bang? Haha! I thought it was funny, my stylist didn’t.
“And also can someone explain the point of the bikini top in this instance? What...”
– don’t that make you want to click on this link to find out what ‘Spirit Fingers’ is talking about? Yes yes yes you do! Click click.
Thank me later.